


NSFW Alphabet Diego x Eudora

by CricketScribbles



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: BDSM, Bondage, F/M, Femdom, NSFW Alphabet, Porn, Porn with Feelings, Romance, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-15 19:56:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18079922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CricketScribbles/pseuds/CricketScribbles
Summary: Sex headcanons for Diego Hargreeves and Eudora Patch. What turns them on? How loud are they during sex? (Visuals included)





	NSFW Alphabet Diego x Eudora

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whistlingwindtree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whistlingwindtree/gifts).



> Dedicated to Fierysky who asked for a Diego/Eudora edition! ♥

**A: Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)**

Diego is very tactile after sex. He knows he can be a lot to handle for many reasons and he wants to make sure Eudora is comfortable, sated, and well-cared for. He likes running his hands over Eudora’s skin, feeling every post-orgasmic shiver and twitch of her muscles. He also likes to scoop an arm around Eudora’s waist and pull her on top of him, draping her over his chest until every inch of her is pressed to every inch of him. 

Eudora cozies up to Diego, rests her hand on his chest or his back. Presses lazy, contented kisses to the side of his neck ~~probably where she bit him a few times earlier.~~

 

**B: Body part (Favorite body part - on themselves and their partner)**

Diego’s favorite body part on himself: abs. He’s not shy about it either. He worked hard to get them and he’s proud of that.

Diego’s favorite body part on Eudora: hands. The way she holds him, the way she threads her fingers through his hair then pulls with a delicious burn to his scalp, the way her fingernails bite into his back. Her hands are capable of anything and he loves toying with her fingers, kissing her knuckles, her palm, her wrist.  
  
Eudora’s favorite body part on herself: breasts. Especially when Diego falls asleep with his head there. Or kisses between her breasts. Or pinches her nipple between his teeth. Or the rasp of his stubble scrapes the curve of her breast - she’s off the moon.

Eudora’s favorite body part on Diego: Arms. When he holds her, she feels safe and secure in a way that she’s never felt before.

 

**C: Cum**

Eudora is a highly active woman. She takes extra precaution when it comes to pregnancy risks. So even though she’s on the pill, she makes sure Diego still wears a condom and he will _ **not**_ be cumming inside her.

Heaven for Diego is Detective Eudora Patch cumming on his tongue with her thighs clamped around his head.

**D: Dirty talk (Do they engage in it? Do they like it?)**

Diego has the  _filthiest_  mouth on planet earth. And he never stutters. When he’s talking dirty, he talks more than Eudora has ever heard from him before. What he says depends on his mood and his partner’s mood. Sometimes it’s sweet and sexy. Other times it’s rough and raunchy.

Eudora is a bit more sparing with her dirty talk. Only because she knows exactly the effect it has on Diego and she wants to make sure he stays hungry for it. She’s very discerning with a well-placed phrase or two whispered in Diego’s ear as her fingers wander down his chest and below his belt. She knows where the switch is to light Diego up in a heartbeat and she uses it to her full advantage.

**E: Experience (How experienced are they?)**

Eudora and Diego are equally experienced.

Although Diego was the first one to really show Eudora the pleasures of leather, bondage, and the head rush of adrenaline.

Eudora was the first one to show Diego the pleasure of vulnerability, how good it felt to let himself fall into Eudora's hands with complete surrender and know she will take care of him.

 

**F: Favorite position**

Doggy all the way for both.

But then there was that one time when Eudora was asleep in Diego’s bed, lying on her stomach, sheets pooled around her waist, exposing her bare back. Diego traced his fingers down her spine, over the curve of her ass, nudging the sheets aside.

Eudora woke to Diego laying on top of her as if he was shielding her from the rest of the world, his cock sliding into her to brush against her G-spot so perfectly that she gasped a shaky  _holy fuck_ into her pillow.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” Diego whispered in her ear.

That became their #1 favorite position. Eudora could still reach over her shoulder and pull Diego’s hair the way he liked. Diego could say all manner of depraved dirty talk, mumbled in Eudora’s shoulder, neck, and hair. Eudora went out of her mind every time she heard Diego moan and she felt him thrust into her all the way to the hilt, completely filling her, his body covering hers protectively, his hand clutching her hip with a death grip.

Doggy is great for a quickie but this...this hit all the right spots for both of them. Literally.

**G: Goofy (Sense of humor during sex or not?)**

It took a while for Diego and Eudora to discover their lighter, happy side. Sex is usually a release of adrenaline and frustration for them. It’s rough around the edges, it dances along the edge of danger, teeth gritted, grasping and biting and the friction of skin on skin to forget everything else.

Once they finally relaxed and became familiar with each other, every now and then Diego lets a joke slip or a wry comment and Eudora just _ **cracks up.**_  And it absolutely thrills Diego to see Eudora laugh like that when she’s usually so serious on the job. 

He doesn’t ham it up all the time. He’s (adorably) shy about being cheesy and playful with Eudora but she loves to coax it out of him when she can.

Though tickling is off limits for both of them. It would simply end in a blood bath.

**H: Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)**

Diego prefers to keep any and all body hair short. Less hassle that way.

Eudora stays trimmed but only once in a blue moon will she wax. She’s too damn busy for it otherwise.

**I: Intimacy (What are they like in the moment? Are they romantic or not?)**

It takes a looooong time for Diego and Eudora to actually be intimate and romantic with each other. At first, sex was fast and rough and that was it.

Months later, Diego is the one to show his romantic side. Eudora had a really bad week at work so Diego set up a nice dinner for her (which he ordered from her favorite restaurant since he can’t cook for shit). He takes her hand and pulls her close, slow dancing to the muted music emanating from an apartment or a night club about a block or so away that makes it sound like it’s from another world.   
  
Eudora was utterly shocked and teased Diego a little about it which made him duck his head and look away, self-conscious. But Eudora kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder, sending Diego’s pulse skyrocketing through the roof. They hardly talked, there was no sex, and they just held each other for an hour or two.

After that, romance and intimacy factored into their lives more. Eudora loves giving Diego massages - she gets to run her hands over the muscles in Diego’s back for as long as she wants, and she catalogs every new bruise and scar that Diego never explains. Plus it turns Diego into a puddle of goo - he’s more relaxed than she’s ever seen him.

And Diego really, really loves kissing every inch of Eudora’s skin. It’s not enough to run his hands over the swell of her breast or the arch of her neck - he wants to taste her, to feel her skin against his lips.  
  
He doesn’t always have the patience for it though because he gets distracted by how good she smells or the way she hooks a thigh up around his hip. 

 

**J: Jack off (Masturbation headcanon)**

After a night of vigilante-ism, Diego’s blood is pounding and it always gets him fired up for a quick masturbation session, if he's not injured or dead on his feet with exhaustion.

Eudora has a wide range of masturbation methods that she likes to utilize from shower heads and bullet vibrators to dildos. She doesn’t get to do it as often as she would like, especially when it comes to stress levels from work and Diego’s escapades. But on her weekends, she definitely takes some time to treat herself right.

**K: Kink(s)**

Danger. Just...danger. For both of them.

Also:

Diego -  
BDSM (obviously)  
Lingerie, black is better but Eudora convinced him that red is sexy too.  
_**Stockings**_  
Almost getting caught  
Hair pulling (his more than hers)  
  
Eudora -   
Blindfolds  
Orgasm denial (hers as well as his)  
Hot and cold play

**L: Location (Favorite places to have sex)**

At first, it was just quickies in a back alley or in a restroom. Neither Eudora nor Diego wanted to open their living spaces to each other. They just wanted to fuck each other senseless.

But those were locations out of convenience, not preference.

Later on, for Diego, it was the gym. Plenty of opportunity for bondage. Had the perfect echo when Eudora got vocal. And it was just enough of a public space that there was a thrill of almost getting caught if anyone knocked on the door, looking for a late night gym session.

Until Five transported into the gym with a giant bag of popcorn in hand. The gym was a no-go after that. (Somehow, miraculously, Five got out alive with all appendages in tact. Though he still keeps a safe distance between himself and Diego at all times.)

Then it was Eudora’s apartment, or a motel room on the city’s outskirts where they were both far away from their lives.

**M: Motivation (What turns them on?)**

Diego: Eudora’s everything. Bonus points for when Eudora, out of the blue, sidles close and whispers something like, “I want you to fuck me against the wall. Now.”

Eudora: Diego’s shoulder holsters. When he bites her lip in the middle of a kiss. Every damn time he wears leather (which is a lot and she’s in agony).

**N: No (Something they wouldn’t do. Turn offs.)**

Diego - He will. not. draw blood on Eudora. Ever. If things get rough and he sees his hand print a little too dark on Eudora’s skin, he will screech to a stop, whether the safe word was used or not. He’ll call the whole thing off and pull Eudora into his lap, cradling the back of her head in his hand, kissing her shoulder in apology.

They like to tease that boundary between pain and pleasure but it makes Diego physically ill to think of seriously hurting Eudora.

Eudora - She can’t bring herself to call Diego even slightly demeaning/derogatory names. She did it once, in the heat of the moment when they were first getting together, and he didn’t flinch but there was something in his eyes that made her stomach drop. Like he believed he deserved it. Like he’d heard it before many times to the point that he’d accepted it.

She only praises him now, tells him how good he is for her. He doesn’t believe it, but she hopes he will one day.

**O: Oral (Giver or receiver? No go altogether?)**

Diego - Giver and receiver with equal enthusiasm. There’s something about eating Eudora out, bringing her to climax with only his mouth, lips, and tongue that fascinates and thrills him. He doesn’t have to picture words in his head. His mouth won’t clam up on him or fail him. He won’t trip over his tongue. For once, his mouth does exactly what he tells it to and he could watch the results of his efforts for days as Eudora babbles his name over and over.

Eudora - She receives more than gives, mostly because Diego is so attentive. But when she gives, she gives very, very well. She knows every spot that will make Diego arch right off of the bed, fingers fisted in her hair, in the sheets, and the most colorful obscenities pour from his mouth.

And she LOVES working him into an oversensitive state. It’s like crack to her, watching brooding Diego become a breathless, panting, squirming mess.

**P: Pace (Fast or slow?)**

For both Eudora and Diego, 90% of the time, it’s fast. 

5% is slow and sensual. Romantic and sweet. Doesn’t happen often. But they’re working on it.

The last 5% is so slow that it’s sheer torture - basically orgasm denial.

**Q: Quickie (Their opinions on quickies)**

For the first few months of their not-relationship (because they refused to give it a label), all Diego and Eudora did were quickies. It took them at least six months for their first sexual encounter that lasted more than five minutes.

**R: Risk (Do they experiment? Or not?)**

Oh boy do they experiment! They need to learn where the breaks are ASAP. They just plunge in and don’t slow down. The thrill of riding that danger line gets them both revved up.

They have a safe word of course. But it’s a matter of pride and principles and pure buttheadedness that they never use it.

**S: Stamina (How long can they last?)**

Diego has more stamina and can generally go for another round pretty quickly. But overall, neither one lasts very long. They generally play hard and fast.

**T: Toys (Do they own any? Do they use any on their partner? etc.)**

Toys galore between the two of them.

Diego has all sorts of toys, mostly used on his partner. Handcuffs, ropes, etc.

Eudora has a decent sized collection of a variety of toys to use on herself. Due to the unpredictable and demanding nature of her job, there are stretches where she’s flying solo a lot. She doesn’t like to rely on someone else to give her pleasure when she can give it to herself. 

Also, when she’s fighting with Diego, she refuses to be the first one to break.

**U: Unfair (How much do they tease?)**

Diego is 50-50 on teasing. Sometimes, he’s too impatient for it. Other times, he likes to work Eudora into a frenzy and see her completely unraveled because of him.

Eudora is a master at teasing. She craves leaving Diego right on the edge, not letting him cum for hours. It takes a long time to break Diego’s iron will, but she always gets him to that pleading point eventually.

**V: Volume (How loud are they?)**

Eudora is fucking LOUD and Diego loses his shit over it every time.

Diego is at the medium noise range. He’ll talk dirty a mile a minute but he prefers to listen to Eudora go off.

If it’s hate sex/make-up-after-a-fight sex, sweet lord, get some noise-cancelling headphones for the entire block.

**W: Wild card (Random headcanon)**

Diego and Eudora are both fairly dominant personalities which is why they butt heads so often. Diego exercises his dominant side in the bedroom more often than Eudora does, simply because Diego is so used to keeping his submissive side under wraps in case someone uses it against him as a weakness.

So the first time Eudora yanked on a fistful of Diego’s hair and said very softly, “On your knees,” Diego just about came in his pants then and there.

As sexy as it is when Eudora gives orders, it’s also Diego’s knee-jerk instinct to retaliate against those same orders. So he gets VERY mouthy and bratty, to Eudora’s delight.

**X: X-ray (What’s going on down below?)**

Diego’s cock is...intimidating, to say the least, at 8 inches long, heavy, and thick. Every time Eudora sees it, she wants to wrap her hands around it, squeeze him or stroke him until she gets a reaction.

Eudora used to wear boy briefs or lacy underwear. Until she went commando once and wound up at Diego’s place. When he found out she wasn’t wearing any underwear, she could see the physical reaction come over him - a hard swallow, lips parted in pure, unveiled, raw hunger.

She goes commando as often as possible now, just to put Diego on edge.

**Y: Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)**

Diego - high. When he’s at a crime scene with Eudora and she has that gun strapped to her hip, it takes considerable self control to keep his hands off of her.

Eudora - high. One look at Diego with those knives and all that black...her mouth goes dry and all she can think about is pinning him to the mattress until he moans.

Which leads to a lot of pent up sexual frustration on both sides.

**Z: Zzz... (How quickly do they fall asleep afterward?)**

They both stay awake for a little while. But Eudora usually drifts off first. Mostly because Diego can’t bear to close his eyes around Eudora in case he wakes up and realizes she was just a dream and now she’s gone.


End file.
